How to Let GO

“That nothing is static or fixed. That all is fleeting and impermanent is the first mark of existence.” – Pema Chodron

So, if everything is fleeting and that’s the mark of genuine existence, then why do we feel so inextricably tied to things? We feel attached to our family members, our house and our belongings, our community. We are convinced that a long vacation twice a year keeps us sane and the iced latte every morning sets us up for a successful day. If we don’t get affirmation from our boss, we question our value.

The concept of impermanence can make me feel a strong sense of grief and confusion. I have struggled to understand why we would want to shun attachment. I guess I have felt like all the things I was attached to gave my life meaning. If I didn’t have loving relationships that I clung to and material belongings that defined my identity, how would I understand the concept of “self”?

In the midst of a global pandemic, we have all been forced to face our relationship to attachments. We have had to go long periods without seeing friends and family. We couldn’t go to our favorite restaurants or participate in recreational sports. We couldn’t get our cherished grocery items or get married in a public setting. We had to grieve the loss of many things. Personally, I also went through a divorce, lost the comforts of my family home, and lost the emotional closeness to my children that I was fairly dependent on.

In thinking back on these pandemic years, we find ourselves using words like “loss” and “grief”. And maybe the first stages of exploring impermanence do come with those feelings. But it’s pretty difficult to untie your lines and re-orient your life to that which serves your greater purpose without facing the concept of impermanence. But with every attachment, we are exponentially increasing our sense of being “stuck” because of the piles and piles of fear we carry with us of not having those things.

So I think that within impermanence is the freeing nature of unattachment. That doesn’t mean that we don’t care about things. We can care about something without grasping for it. We can appreciate our relationships without living with a constant fear of those relationships ending. What we mean by release from attachment is to walk through life appreciating every moment/thing/person for what it has to offer in the present rather than wishing for what was or what is to come. This ultimately opens us to freedom.