Whether you believe in generational spiritual markers or the role of epigenetics on our beliefs and behaviors, we all can generally agree that the experiences of our ancestors have some level of impact on our lived experience. Where we come from, our generational wealth (or lack of wealth), our family ties and connections to community all have an impact on who we are and who we become. I’ve come to believe this more and more in recent years as I’ve tried to understand my hesitance to take up space. My mother’s side of the family comes from Kentucky. I wish I knew more about them, but they were hard-working, and both of my great-grandmothers had a pretty tough go of it. My great-great grandmother was beautiful, and I have a photo of her in my room. Her name was Annie.
These women lived when corsets were still a thing, and an ice pick actually had a function other than in a horror movie. I actually remember the freezer at my great grandmother’s house required a giant block of ice to operate. My grandmothers made quilts, not because it was trendy, but because it was necessary. They grew tomatoes because they needed to eat them, not because they wanted to post them on social media. They also played the role of wife and mother and didn’t have a lot of other opportunities. They were often mistreated by their husbands and overlooked by their communities. My great-grandmothers were born before women could vote. My grandmother was born before women of color could vote.
And here I sit imagining my possibilities. I get lost feeling like I am not doing enough, I get frustrated feeling like the opportunities are out of reach, I get antsy about accomplishing. But the most glorious reality is that I CAN. I CAN pursue non-traditional opportunities. I CAN get involved in political change. I CAN stand up for what I need and want and pursue those things with dogged tenacity. And they couldn’t and I feel that in my spirit – in my cells. My experience with untying my lines may not be perfect. I may still feel like there are constraints due to my gender and I may say something in a meeting that gets completely ignored. I may not have the financial freedom to truly accomplish all of my dreams. But the fact is that I am speaking up in a meeting, in a professional setting, wearing pants. I’m in the world. I’m contributing in a way they never could, and I have a freedom of choice that they only imagined.
So, I’ve started trying to pause in the mornings as I start my day to meditate on the word FREEDOM. My grandmothers appeared to me during a guided meditation with Lindsay Briner about a year ago where we were releasing a self-limiting belief. As I released my self-limiting belief (that I’m worthless – sounds silly, right??!!), my grandmothers all showed up. Which I was surprised by because I never knew them very well in life. But they were there, the lineage of maternal grandmothers, encircling me with love. They caught the self-limiting belief orb that I had released and transformed it into a bright light that they all blessed and returned to me. They were asking me to take the life I’ve been given and live it with light and love. They were asking me to savor my FREEDOM