Here we are…days/weeks into the new year and taking stock of how we are doing. We did the self-reflection, and we did the planning. We bought our habit calendars and we read up on all of James Clear’s best advice. The pressure has mounted because we have announced within our social circles and to all of our friends that we are doing the Whole 30, or we are training for the 10K, or we are going to blog every week (haha).
And the reality is that these things are important to us. In our self-reflection, we have determined that there is a set of activities that, if completed, will get us closer to our true sense of fulfillment and the idealized version of life we envision. Maybe, when we think back to our youth and remind ourselves of what we thought adulthood would look like, we visualize a landscape that is very different from the one we embody. And we want to change. That dissonance between what we expected and where we find ourselves creates motivation and the new year provides the perfect backdrop for shifting towards that calling.
After a few weeks, though, the motivation seems to wane. Maybe we are just trying to suffer to the end of Dry January, or we are needing to see out the six-month contract we signed with the gym. Maybe the goal of getting a new job doesn’t seem as fun after getting a few rejection emails. We soon notice that the changes that were so exciting to us on January 1st have started to feel burdensome.
I have been reading Michael Singer’s “Living Untethered” and he talks about renunciation: “If you’re eating something that makes you sick, and someone wants to give you food that makes you healthy, you must first stop eating what makes you sick. This is not an act of renunciation; it’s simple wisdom.”
As someone who actually has dietary sensitivities, this one hit me directly. I literally know that if I eat certain foods, I won’t feel good. And yet, I go through hills and valleys where I swear off these foods completely and then two weeks later have a rebellious evening and eat them all…only to feel awful the next day and have the whole process start over again. But his logic is so sound.
Doing things that are good for us is a choice, and we make those choices because we care deeply about our health, well-being, fulfillment, and purpose. We don’t set these goals because we are trying to punish ourselves. Renunciation implies that there is some outside force disallowing us from our vices. It implies that we must forever and always starve ourselves of pleasure, leisure or letting go. But Michael Singer reminds us that healthy choices are “simple wisdom”. Making changes that we know will move us closer to the life we envision is about positive, forward motion.
As I’ve shifted some priorities in my life this year, here are some actions I have taken to remind myself how important these changes are to me:
- Burning Bowl – Usually around the winter solstice or the new year, I try to write down the habits or mindsets that are no longer serving me and burn them. This year, I burned each one on a separate piece of paper and kept the ashes. The small container of ashes will sit in my meditation space to remind me of what I burned.
- Intention Stone – I got a smooth stone and wrote my intention for the year on it. I hold this stone during my morning meditation to remind me of my intention. The daily reminder keeps me focused on my “why”.
- Daily Journaling – I have set a goal of journaling every day, with a focus on positivity and writing down even small progress I am making against my goals. It helps to reinforce my intentions and remind myself of accomplishments.
- Setting the Bar – I read a Buzzfeed (I like Buzzfeed, especially the funny ones) about “things that turned out to be true about being an adult” – and someone shared that they finally realized as an adult that they can define progress any way they want, and that this was incredibly freeing. They said that doing something, even if it’s a very small action, can feel like progress if they define it that way for themselves. Our ideas of progress are usually trained in us by our family of origin, teachers, bosses, etc. But we actually get to set the bar anywhere we want. Momentum can come from very small steps forward. Set the bar anywhere you want as long as it works for you.
Wake up every day proud of yourself, and go to bed each evening knowing that you are living your purpose. It’s not about renunciation; it’s about simple wisdom.